While, according to others, we were still not enough (old, experienced, competent) to listen to us, for her, we were equal communication partners. I was looking forward to lessons with her. She was English native speaker, I did not understand many words, but it was actually the first real English I had heard in my life. We had one lesson with her per week.
We had to call "Mr. Professor" the other teachers. She wanted us to call her by her first name.
Today I want to write about the little Einsteins:D
Because I believe I have a clue of what she meant.
I do not know if this is because I just do not have the "baby" skills, but I talk to them as I talk to adults. I even go to them for answers I need.
The way they perceive the world. Amazing. The simple answers to heartbreaking and fundamental “adult” questions. Eyes opening.
A long time ago I was on vacation and a group of participants was also a family with a little boy. We went for a day trip. In the footsteps of Napoleon. He went as well. Everyone told him he was going to visit Napoleon.
But none of us explained to him what / who is Napoleon.
Because we knew. So we assumed it is clear and understandable. He did not know. He managed it the way, he could understand it.
“Are you going for a trip with us?" - we ask where the bus should pick us up.
"Yes," he said.
"And do you know who we are going to see?"
"Half - melon." he responded proudly.
Solved. Napoleon did not made any sense to him. The word he did not know. But “napol” – means “half” in Slovak language. And “melon” means “melon”. So he was going to see the Half Melon. This way it was clear, he knew exactly what it was. And it corresponded to what we, adults, talked about.
This is me. Great work. I’ve never looked better on any photo.
There is a dinosaur section in the Bratislava Zoo. We've been there a few years ago. This little big boy - member of my family – knew all dinos already, knowing who are whos relatives and who lived when. The details about food habits of each one of them, obvious information. I do not understand why am I surprised by that.
There is a place where there are two dinosaurs. These two are moving and making sounds (I would guess Alamosaurus, but if I'm wrong, I will have a serious problem and drop down my authority in the family:D) By the way, one dinosaur already got the Indian name "the one you can never remember his name" - so much to my competence when it comes to dinosaurs. Back to the Zoo.
Two young boys (about 4-5 years old?) watching these two moving and making sounds.
One of them looks at those dinosaurs and says, "Dinosaur dinosaur do not eat me, please"
And our little boy (a few years older than the scared one) tells him: "Do not be afraid, it is Alamosaurus, and he is a herbivore (a vegetarian), he would not eat you."
But the little boy did not hear him, and he said, "Dinosaur do not eat me."
My cousin repeated: "Hey, do not worry, he will not eat you, he is a herbivore."
The little boy still did not know he was talking to him.
My cousin looked at me and, with a desperate look, repeated,
"But he will not, because he is a vegetarian. He is a herbivore."
You know? He wanted to help him so badly. And he was so unhappy when he could not help him.
Yes, this is the right direction for this picture. I have checked with the author a long time ago. Strange questions we, adults, have. He is going down the hill, don’t you see that? :)
We sit on the terrace, I am having a mojito, and she checks the drink, goes around, studying what is it in the cup. This little woman suspiciously checking your drink.
"Yes?" I ask
"Why are you drinking a salad?" She asks.
I recently had the honour to spend a journey with a child in the car. Responsible task. I was even afraid I could do it.
We needed to refuel. I'll stop on the filling station. He came out of the car with me and kept close to me all the time. Hilarious. These are new things for me, you know.
So I say to him: "We have to remember this number. It’s the number of the stand - 4. You know, those stands are numbered to tell the cashier which stand we pay."
We went inside, he was looking around. When the cashier asked, the little guy comes and proudly says:
"Stand number four."
We are back in the car.
The demand has come if we can stop at the nearest gas station to use the toilet.
Well, of course. We're stopping by Červeník, we pass the filling station and
stop in front of HotPot (the restaurant behind the gas station).
"They have incorrectly numbered their stands." He says.
"Pardon?" - I'm asking,
"They made a mistake, they have two stands with the number 7."
We're leaving the car and going to the toilet. As we pass the stands I check the numbers.
I swear, there are two
stands with number 7.
We had a huge overload at work at that time, and they live quite far away. It's the family of my friend. And that little woman once phoned me and said:
"You can come now, I know how to make you a coffee."
"Pardon me?" - I ask.
"You certainly have not come to visit me yet, because you were afraid I do not know how to make you a coffee. You can come now. I know how to do it."
My heart just broke. She was 6 years old then.
She told her mum to teach her how to make a coffee. She did not let her out of the kitchen until it happened. To call me and tell me, that she is ready to take care of me when I come. What else can be the reason I have not come to visit her yet? It seemed logical to her in that little soul, that once she learns this, I'd come.
You are nothing less than highly miraculous creatures. I do not understand you at all and I probably do not even know how to take a good care about you. But your view of the world is a great gift to me.
It is all good.
The universe has managed it the way, that we learn from one other.
I believe it was impossible to carry it all for my head, so it just switched off.
You have to look to the diary to find out what are you supposed to do today. Even simple acts that are written in your diary became inexplicably complicated.
Exhaustion. For a long time. You are tired. Lack of sleep. The body tells you: slow down my dear.
You are physically moving, but you are not present. The brain has just left your body:D
Everyone have these days from time to time. Its
all good. Balance.
You fall asleep in the morning. You do not hear the alarm. Not at all. In the kitchen you will find that you have no coffee. You dress up. It all takes a long time. Longer than usual. But you do not even know where the time losses are. You do everything as always, but it takes about 150% time comparing to usual timing. You do not think about anything. The mind is empty, brain is off.
So you're going for the vaccination. The vaccinating card, that you put close to the door, so you will not forget it in the morning, was left there. You find out once you enter the ambulance.
The nurses are all nice, they just plan the
Christmas party. You smile, you listen. Listen, but you do not hear anything.
You only know they are talking about Christmas party. Others are just noises.
You do listen them, you just do not hear the meaning.
You pay for the parking. The parking boy is nice, he's joking, he says it's nice weather, do not worry – he is just making strange faces because the sun shines into his eyes, but he's glad the sun shines anyway. And he says things. And you see his mouth moving. You concentrate consciously to hear those words. It is not working. You are looking for the button in the head that someone has switched off. You really want to find him, so you can switch it on. It’s not going to happen.
What is going on?
You're going to put the car to the service. You get it there and guess what?
Instead of one hour, they have to leave it here all day, for a complete check, the exchange of something and the change of some filters in something needs to be done also. I don’t know exactly, as my head, exposed to the situation of too many information, just decided to switch off:D Surprisingly.
OK, well, repair the car when it is needed, I'll be safer, that's right.
I'm leaving the service building, so I'm going to continue in my program without the car.
There were two other outfits in the car for today - as the program includes several meetings at different levels of formality. They are all left in the car. In the car, that is in the repair for a whole day.
Well, I'll have to do it without them. I try to encourage myself.
I'm buying a SMS ticket for public transport, as I am going to use one.
Oh, hold on. My cap stayed in the car. A warm jacket also. Shoes? Also. I'm dressed for being in a car, not in town on my own. Thin coat and not so warm shoes.
And an inappropriate outfit.
No cap, no scarf.
White Dacia, a few minutes. White Dacia? Great, there is not much cars like it driving Slovak roads. Ha. Three white Dacias labelled as taxis passed around in the next 12 minutes. Nor one of them was the one I have called:D Number four, lucky number four. That is him. I have not seen so many Dacias like ever in my life, than I have seen the last 15 minutes.
And the driver talks and talks. He hates everything. And pretty much everyone. Especially people in financial services. I did not catch anything more as my head switched him off:D Fortunately.
So I started staring at the phone pretend to be working and believing he would stop talking. There he goes "And young people today, they're still just looking at their phones."
I told him that my plans had just changed now, and asked him to stop here at this bus stop to get off the car.
In my head: I prefer to go by bus but I have
to play it inconspicuously.
In a few minutes the bus arrives. Cool, nobody talks to me. Finally, for a moment. I 'm singing this cute song. I'm convinced that I only sing in my head.
But when a disabled boy comes to me, he laughs and starts to sing with me, then I realise, I was singing loudly. All the time:D I do not even have a headphones - so I would sing what I'm listening to.
Well, never mind. At least we sang together while in bus. And his mum did not seem to be angry, apparently.
My head just put the song on and let my mouth sing it. Everything without even consciously realising it.
I stand at the bus stop once I got off the bus, and wonder where I was heading and what I wanted to do there.
I wanted to go to the office because I needed to copy the materials there.
Oh, you mean those material that stayed in the car? Parked in the car service? And as there is a lot copies to make, I do not know how to take it away, as the plan was to put them in the car.
Oh, it doesn’t matter. Its OK. What's next?
I thank to my own psycho planing habits for writing such things into the diary. That's because of a days like this, I believe. I think I've experienced it before, so I prevent forgetting to eat when my mind is “off” by planning it into the diary:D
I'm going to catch the bus and find a nice place for lunch.
Long story short – Can you relate to what level of being “off” this is?
So I go to the café, order a salad and open a diary. I cancel everything for the next weekend and everything that can be cancelled for the next few days. I must have my alarm off. And I just have to have a rest in my plan. Nothing else. Nothing. Nothing.
Immediately after the cancellation of the weekend program, the universe sends me a "that’s the right thing to do - confirmation" signal. For as soon as I cancel the last thing from the weekend diary, a miracle happens. One of those we talked about last time :)
Lunch done, plans cancelled - relax scheduled.
I got a call. The car is ready. I'm going to pick it up, walking the Old Town. I have to cross The Hviezdoslav Square. I'm looking into the ground. And suddenly, out of nowhere, I do hear my favourite Christmas song.
I raise my head and see. There is The Christmas market already. They make punch, sausage and play my very favourite song. I stop, watch, smile, breathe the smell and cry. (really, those weepies again. It will be forever like this with me - crying, but it was a miracle what just happened there).
It was that kind of a day. And as soon as you decide to relax, because you need to, the universe will reward you with your favourite song and suddenly you find yourself on your favourite happening of the year.
Not knowing it was there already. When you decide to take care of
yourself properly and do something for yourself. And relax.
It is all good. All magical. Xmas coming.
We do not have to destroy ourselves. In fact, we should not have to damage ourselves not even a bit. Do not overwork ourselves. Do not push it, do not stress it. And as soon as we return to the good path - to this one where you love and respect yourself, and relax, everything will go back to the "switched on" brain that can see the beauty around.
Please, do take a good care of yourself. I like you. Relax. It is important.
I'm still "off". I was „on“ only for Chris Rea:D My brain will not let me hear the inputs from outside world until he is ready to absorb them.
To be clear, I do not try to complain here. Not at all. It's just interesting for me to see how the body behaves as it gives you clear signals. And how it does everything to help you. Even so, when my head overload prevents other things from getting in there. That's all the power one can wish for. And even that you can realise that, when its happening to you, I find this amazing as well.
Let me know.
He told me after a good concert while sipping good wine. Let's just call him Vlado.
But I do know how is it, when things are going well. Because it does not always work. I also have emotions, moods, cycle, all the factors that affect how do I perceive things.
You're in the car. Playing one of your favourite CDs. CD is a data and songs carrier, which we listened to after the vinyl and the cassette and before the MP3:D Johnny Cash. The random playlist is on and you try to control the speed limit. Because when in car, and good music is on, controlling the speed limit becomes hard thing to do. I believe the drivers can relate to that.
And he suddenly sings in one of those songs: "I find it very very easy to be true."
It has a different meaning in that song. It has the meaning that "it's too simple to be true," but I have just cut this out of the context and it got stuck in my head. "I find it very very easy to be true."
You know when you’re going home from a certain place and in your mind there are doubts: I should have not said this, I should not have done this, I do not know if this was okay?
That's what happens to you, when what you did and said was not the true you. You doubt yourself to the very dark place after this.
The control question for me then is: "If it was in another group of people, would I say/do the same?"
When the answer is: "I do not know" or "probably not" or "not at all," then it results in the doubts.
A long time ago we went for a cigarette with than my colleagues. They were waiting for me by the lift. The lift was around the corner. As I was getting closer, I heard them laughing. They were laughing at me. They imitated my voice and talked about the things I have said before. I was still standing behind the corner, and when they came to "where the hell is she" I just came out from behind the corner. They changed the subject and started to talk about something else.
You know, I will not write about them, but how to deal with it. Because this is going to happen to you sometimes. Sometimes everybody does it. I'm trying hard not to, but sometimes i do gossip also.
We are humans. We do make mistakes.
During the cigarette we talked about other stuff and the situation has repeated once. One of those people made a joke of me for something I said. The other smiled at me and she told me – it is you. We like you anyway. Oh, I was devastated.
Today I see it differently. They were my self-esteem teachers. I just did not know what to do with it back then.
I must be good according to my criteria. Not theirs. I'm still not where I want to be, but at least a bit better every day. With mistakes, but the true me.
A wise quote from the internet says: "I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I look around and wonder if I like them."
When I do not like them or they are new to me, and I do not know yet, I mostly just sit quietly, smile, I observe them. After a while, I decide if i want to show those people the true me. You get true me or you can get quite smiley face. Because I just do not want to behave the way it works in particular group. Its not who I am.
If after a while I decide that its good, I can be true here, because I trust them - I am as I am. When somebody decides to make a joke about it, I'll add some. I know best how to make fun of myself. Even my little obsessions and funny expressions. I can handle this kind of fun, because it's just me. So what. Everyone has something.
If after a while I decide that its not good, true me is not going to happen. I will stay here until it is necessary in the silence and smile, or leave immediately.
Although it has more meanings according to the dictionary. In this particular situation it means: I am going to be the same me, as good as I can right now, in every surrounding and conditions. Because I can only stand the real me. No remorse.
Motivational quote number 2 for today, oh yes:D
Very nice definition of this word:“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”
And I might even add to it: or even to do things (that you consider to be „the right things“) not depending on who is or is not watching.
But there is no one else, come on, you are not blocking anyone. It is OK to drive in the middle.
No. It’s not OK. Right lane.
Oh, come on, everyone parked on the grass. There is also a neighbouring rule that they do not call the police when you park on the grass.
So what? No. I'm going to the parking lot. Because that's the right thing to do.
(Do not tell me the answer :) I do not, because that's what is right.
The last time this topic came out my friend was laughing a lot. She asked me whether I belch at home or not. No way, I said. Because it is not right. She was so amazed and said that I was playing a fairy. These are cute talks when it comes to such topics:D
1. The remorse do not come up. Oh and it feels well, I recommend.
2. Miracles happen. Miracles, mainly synchronicity.
I know, sorry. But we do not have a simpler word.
Example: You are writing about Bratislava and your friend posts a photo on insta saying how does she love the town. Or you're writing about flying, and she'll post a photo of a plain and write how she loves the feeling of flying somewhere.
Long story short - something is going on in your head and immediately the universe will send a signal because it will immediately send someone in your path who will tell you exactly what you are writing / thinking about.
Or, people who are next to you in the tram talk about the topic, and you are asking yourself whether you have written it on your forehead because this is not even possible any more.
Miracles: I have mentioned in Instagram post previous week that I have met my favourite dj.
Do you want to know how did this happened?
There was an unique opportunity to meet one person and ask him to sign his diary. We were talking about this author about a year ago with one friend, she said that she also likes him. Say no more. I bought one more, let him sign it and gave it to her. I brought it up to the office and left.
I went to a store I do not even go to. And there she was. Amazing. Like one meter from me. I only managed to say "I'm sorry to interrupt, you're awesome, and I'm a big fan of your work." I hoped it did not bother her. That evening she told the story in her instastory. Previously that day, she had met someone who made her feel uncomfortable. And then I run to her saying this to her.
And sometimes you even get to see it. So you would not think that the universe is doing it in a small scale:D You will occasionally be given a short look on the existence of a bigger scale context.
You enter a parking place that belongs to a shop, the parking machine is broken and it does not give you ticket. You find the security guy and try to solve it: "Mr, I'm in and have no parking ticket, the machine is broken"
He said, "It does not matter, in an hour you can buy what you need and leave the parking without payment"
I say to him, "But, you know, I will stay there for more than an hour, I have to pay the parking. I just have a meeting close to this place and I have not found a parking place anywhere, had to go there. I will need to pay as it will be more than 1 hour. But I have no ticket. "
He says, "And you come to tell me that you will stay longer and you want to pay?"
I said yes, exactly. He smiled and said, "It will let you go even without a ticket. Have a nice day."
And do you know what happened next? You just buy one croissant, you stand in line and the lady in front of you asks if you only have this one item. You say yes and she lets you to take the place in the line in front of her.
(Because you only have one item and you honestly wanted to pay for your parking, I wonder?)
And I also have days when things are completely different. When there's a lot of things to do, I am in hurry, stress, I do not care about stuff and my tooth starts to ache. Sometimes I'm going through that with attitude: "just don’t stop and move on to survive." But it does not work. Then I "pretend" and it's not the true me. I do not notice the miracles around, or they do not happen, hard to say, and my day is grey and everyone like the other.
So even though there really is a lot of it, I'm trying to stay true and enjoy it. Stay me means be happy. And everydayness (my translator says this word really do exist, does it?) is not only that we can deal with it, but it becomes fun. With miracles.
Vladík, I cannot tell you, whether this is an universal solution. Maybe I'm just an extreme retard who only sees what she wants to see. Maybe I'm just choosing life experiences and assigning them meanings and finding schemes. But you know, that's how it works for me. I do not know if it can work this way for anyone else. I'm just trying to be a good, decent human being. And to see the beauty around. Am far from being where I want to be.
Maybe I’m very wrong – just not able to see things differently. I am not at all a person who could talk or give advice to others. But if you ask me how the tangibility works for me, it is like this from my point of view.
Tangible miracles happen every day. When I'm true myself. And they are the confirmation that I'm on the right track.