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11.11.2018



„You must write how to hold on to things.“

He told me.

"About what?" I ask.


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"About how to hold on to things. Lot of things happen in your life, and then you sometimes focus on those unimportant ones and the ones that are essential are running away from you, unnoticed. You are unhappy. You have to write about how things need to be grasped. For those that have to deal with it. Tangibility of good things in your life you need to focus on."

He told me after a good concert while sipping good wine. Let's just call him Vlado.


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That's a very good question. I've been thinking a lot about how it works. I found out, that I do not know:D

But I do know how is it, when things are going well. Because it does not always work. I also have emotions, moods, cycle, all the factors that affect how do I perceive things.

 

It started to make sense while listening to Johnny Cash. (like most of the things do, I would say)

You're in the car. Playing one of your favourite CDs. CD is a data and songs carrier, which we listened to after the vinyl and the cassette and before the MP3:D Johnny Cash. The random playlist is on and you try to control the speed limit. Because when in car, and good music is on, controlling the speed limit becomes hard thing to do. I believe the drivers can relate to that.

And he suddenly sings in one of those songs: "I find it very very easy to be true."


It has a different meaning in that song. It has the meaning that "it's too simple to be true," but I have just cut this out of the context and it got stuck in my head. "I find it very very easy to be true."

From my point of view, this is one of the most difficult things in the world.

Will explain.

 

You know when you’re going home from a certain place and in your mind there are doubts: I should have not said this, I should not have done this, I do not know if this was okay?

That's what happens to you, when what you did and said was not the true you. You doubt yourself to the very dark place after this.

The control question for me then is: "If it was in another group of people, would I say/do the same?"

When the answer is: "I do not know" or "probably not" or "not at all," then it results in the doubts.

And there you go.



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A long time ago we went for a cigarette with than my colleagues. They were waiting for me by the lift. The lift was around the corner. As I was getting closer, I heard them laughing. They were laughing at me. They imitated my voice and talked about the things I have said before. I was still standing behind the corner, and when they came to "where the hell is she" I just came out from behind the corner. They changed the subject and started to talk about something else.

You know, I will not write about them, but how to deal with it. Because this is going to happen to you sometimes. Sometimes everybody does it. I'm trying hard not to, but sometimes i do gossip also.

We are humans. We do make mistakes.


It was hard for me back than. I asked myself whether I really am a total retard who is just behaving ridiculously. I was looking for a piece of their truth on which it could be based. Searching for my mistakes in their words.

During the cigarette we talked about other stuff and the situation has repeated once. One of those people made a joke of me for something I said. The other smiled at me and she told me – it is you. We like you anyway. Oh, I was devastated.

Today I see it differently. They were my self-esteem teachers. I just did not know what to do with it back then.

I wanted to be good. Good human, good colleague. And I thought that when they admit that I am, then I am really going to be good.

What a bullsh_t, isn't it?:D


I must be good according to my criteria. Not theirs. I'm still not where I want to be, but at least a bit better every day. With mistakes, but the true me.

A wise quote from the internet says: "I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I look around and wonder if I like them."

And this is an important switch in point of view.

 

When I do not like them or they are new to me, and I do not know yet, I mostly just sit quietly, smile, I observe them. After a while, I decide if i want to show those people the true me. You get true me or you can get quite smiley face. Because I just do not want to behave the way it works in particular group. Its not who I am.

It then causes the self-doubts. Those questions in the car "I should have done this, I should not have done that..."

And I do not want to experience it anymore.

If after a while I decide that its good, I can be true here, because I trust them - I am as I am. When somebody decides to make a joke about it, I'll add some. I know best how to make fun of myself. Even my little obsessions and funny expressions. I can handle this kind of fun, because it's just me. So what. Everyone has something.

If after a while I decide that its not good, true me is not going to happen. I will stay here until it is necessary in the silence and smile, or leave immediately.

 

It does not mean that these people are bad or wrong in any way. It just means it's not for me.

I just need to be true. Nothing less than true.


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It is called "integrity".

Although it has more meanings according to the dictionary. In this particular situation it means: I am going to be the same me, as good as I can right now, in every surrounding and conditions. Because I can only stand the real me. No remorse.

Motivational quote number 2 for today, oh yes:D

Very nice definition of this word:“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

 And I might even add to it: or even to do things (that you consider to be „the right things“) not depending on who is or is not watching.


The phrase "good things" is the key. What you think is right. Everyone has it a bit different. And its all good that way.

Do, what you think is right, and be true, no matter where you are. Even if you are alone. It's always the same true you.


Control questions – that helps me learning to be true:

  • When driving on the highway from Bratislava to Trnava at 2 am, it's completely empty. Am I in the middle lane, because it's comfortable? Or in the right one, because that is how we should drive? I had to learn to drive the car in the right lane when no one else is here.

But there is no one else, come on, you are not blocking anyone. It is OK to drive in the middle.

No. It’s not OK. Right lane.

  • Are you in the speed limit? For me, this is a great test. And I'm really trying. But this is still space for improvement, I have to confess publicly.
  •  Are you parking on the grass in front of the house or going to the distant parking place?

Oh, come on, everyone parked on the grass. There is also a neighbouring rule that they do not call the police when you park on the grass.

So what? No. I'm going to the parking lot. Because that's the right thing to do.

  •  Do you belch (loud) when you are home alone?

(Do not tell me the answer :) I do not, because that's what is right.


You know. Integrity. Doing the right things just because they are right, even if there is not the thread of sanctions (parking on the grass) and nobody is watching.

The last time this topic came out my friend was laughing a lot. She asked me whether I belch at home or not. No way, I said. Because it is not right. She was so amazed and said that I was playing a fairy. These are cute talks when it comes to such topics:D

 

Tangibility. Integrity. How the hell are they related?

In my opinion, it goes as follows:



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When I manage to stay in the integrity, amazing things will happen:

1. The remorse do not come up. Oh and it feels well, I recommend.

2. Miracles happen. Miracles, mainly synchronicity.

Integrity and synchronicity, what the hell, did she have a dictionary for breakfast?:D


I know, sorry. But we do not have a simpler word.

Example: You are writing about Bratislava and your friend posts a photo on insta saying how does she love the town. Or you're writing about flying, and she'll post a photo of a plain and write how she loves the feeling of flying somewhere.

 

Long story short - something is going on in your head and immediately the universe will send a signal because it will immediately send someone in your path who will tell you exactly what you are writing / thinking about.

Or, people who are next to you in the tram talk about the topic, and you are asking yourself whether you have written it on your forehead because this is not even possible any more.

 

Synchronicity and miracles.

Miracles: I have mentioned in Instagram post previous week that I have met my favourite dj.

Do you want to know how did this happened?

There was an unique opportunity to meet one person and ask him to sign his diary. We were talking about this author about a year ago with one friend, she said that she also likes him. Say no more. I bought one more, let him sign it and gave it to her. I brought it up to the office and left.

I'm leaving and there goes the universe saying: It was nice, here you go.

I went to a store I do not even go to. And there she was. Amazing. Like one meter from me. I only managed to say "I'm sorry to interrupt, you're awesome, and I'm a big fan of your work." I hoped it did not bother her. That evening she told the story in her instastory. Previously that day, she had met someone who made her feel uncomfortable. And then I run to her saying this to her.


It works for others, too. You see it? And sometimes you're even part of their synchronicity, and it's all crazy.

And sometimes you even get to see it. So you would not think that the universe is doing it in a small scale:D You will occasionally be given a short look on the existence of a bigger scale context.



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You enter a parking place that belongs to a shop, the parking machine is broken and it does not give you ticket. You find the security guy and try to solve it: "Mr, I'm in and have no parking ticket, the machine is broken"

He said, "It does not matter, in an hour you can buy what you need and leave the parking without payment"

I say to him, "But, you know, I will stay there for more than an hour, I have to pay the parking. I just have a meeting close to this place and I have not found a parking place anywhere, had to go there. I will need to pay as it will be more than 1 hour. But I have no ticket. "

He says, "And you come to tell me that you will stay longer and you want to pay?"

I said yes, exactly. He smiled and said, "It will let you go even without a ticket. Have a nice day."

And do you know what happened next? You just buy one croissant, you stand in line and the lady in front of you asks if you only have this one item. You say yes and she lets you to take the place in the line in front of her.

(Because you only have one item and you honestly wanted to pay for your parking, I wonder?)

 

Unbelievable. How can this be possible? Immediately.


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These are "tangible" clues for me. When you have "integrity," you experience "synchronicity" and "miracles" happen.

It's kind of a confirmation, that it's all good.

And I also have days when things are completely different. When there's a lot of things to do, I am in hurry, stress, I do not care about stuff and my tooth starts to ache. Sometimes I'm going through that with attitude: "just don’t stop and move on to survive." But it does not work. Then I "pretend" and it's not the true me. I do not notice the miracles around, or they do not happen, hard to say, and my day is grey and everyone like the other.

So even though there really is a lot of it, I'm trying to stay true and enjoy it. Stay me means be happy. And everydayness (my translator says this word really do exist, does it?) is not only that we can deal with it, but it becomes fun. With miracles.

 

I will return to the question of the man we call Vlado.

Vladík, I cannot tell you, whether this is an universal solution. Maybe I'm just an extreme retard who only sees what she wants to see. Maybe I'm just choosing life experiences and assigning them meanings and finding schemes. But you know, that's how it works for me. I do not know if it can work this way for anyone else. I'm just trying to be a good, decent human being. And to see the beauty around. Am far from being where I want to be.

Maybe I’m very wrong – just not able to see things differently. I am not at all a person who could talk or give advice to others. But if you ask me how the tangibility works for me, it is like this from my point of view.

Tangible miracles happen every day. When I'm true myself. And they are the confirmation that I'm on the right track.


 


28.10.2018:


The one about Friendships.



There is seriously so many things I need to tell you that I am already doubting if there is enough space on the internet.

Trying to detach the topics in posts so it would make sense. Hope it will:)

And we will have a short break till the end of the year, OK?

I am going to visit some places where they do not have good connection. Will let you know all the details when the time is right.

 

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This is important.

I have a cup. I have been drinking coffee from this cup for quite a long time now. It was a gift from one of the groups I did have a training with. They were all girls. And it was huge. I keep thinking about them quite often.

Some connections clicks immediately and lasts a for long time.

I'm trying to figure out which year it was. Trying to find out which year it was is done this way:  (so that you do not have to investigate in the calendar) You associate that time with what you have been talking about with these women. And by that you should know (or at least have a clue) what phase of life it was. For example, with this cup I know exactly what phase of my life this was.


It was the “put your hands up in the air” and “never-ending party” phase:D

Your memories go like this: when you woke up on Saturday morning at your friend’s house, you could hear the ICQ sounds. That's a kind of app (?) we used back than to chat. But only on PC. Not via the phone.

That thing was trendy back in the old days, when you signed up for the Internet using old ways of connection. Making the sound like tuning the radio in combination with alien invasion.


I really wanted to get straight to the point, but the stuff around somehow got me into listening the sound of dial up internet connection. Is this even real? :D Are you reacting the same way as well? When you try to figure out the timing of something in your life, you do not know the number exactly. (Well, most of us don’t. One of my friends – Kubo - does.)


By using associations, you are trying to find out where to put it on your timeline ("lifeline"). After a while you give up anyway. You just find some major thing that has happened to you and you place this situation it in time depending on whether it was before or afterwards.

We really are special creatures, I must admit.

 

There is actually a real advantage of having your own web page: you set yourself the limit to number of characters and words on the post, so you can also set it to "unlimited." This will cause you to go where I just got into. Without any limits, and actually, my brain looking very "limited." :D

Never mind. It’s all good.

Back to the point.

 

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I did the maths. Its 11 years (although it is not important at all). I have the cup from these girls and I drink my morning coffee from it for 11 years now. I think about you when drinking that coffee (and this is the important part).


Sometimes you just meet someone and it clicks.

You have your lives placed in different cities and you may not even see each other for a few years. And when you meet, you are fluently continuing in the conversation where you have stopped years ago.


And whenever your universes meet for a coffee after a couple of years, it works again. It does surprise you every time. That it works for years and only with occasional contact between you two. It is a great miracle for me.

And she just says "Ela Ela" and he just says “va-re-ne-vi-no” and you start laughing. It was 10 years ago, and you can still get back in your memories.

 

I'm lucky to have such souls around me.

It is always a nice meeting; the conversation is nutritious, and it lasts for a few hours. The dialogue is smooth, you enjoy every second of it, you listen with interest.

You are laughing together. A lot.


You talk a bit about the time you spent together. When that miracle happened, which caused the connection to be so strong. You do not know how or why, you just know it happened.


No one gets angry because of randomness of the contact you have. No remorse. You know he has a family, you have your responsibilities as well. The meeting only can happen occasionally. And when you come to the town, you always let him/her know. We live in a different way in different parts of the country / countries / continents sometimes.

Maybe we met one another on the opposite side of the world, even though we both live in Slovakia.

Or you are from our befriended country in the neighbourhood and anything you say, I always do confirm. Because you know how much I like to say that. Even 10 times per minute. "Dyť jó"

That's all right.


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But when this meeting is happening, it feels good.

Or if you happen to meet a wife of your friend's friend and you click. You will find each other on the social network and the connection happens. It works and you understand its magic. You write each other sometimes and it's always great.


Sometimes you do meet her unexpectedly. In a totally different city.

You stop on the sidewalk, and suddenly, while you just shared a few words, the night falls. You realise that you are talking for almost an hour already. You only find out because it’s starting to be cold outside.

You did not even notice. Time flies with those people


Sometimes your call is late. The reply comes from a family member and you get the information that will freeze you. You realise, you did not make it on time. Sometimes I'm afraid this will happen again. I am always happy when it does not.  

 

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Some of my friends and buddies are 10 or more years older than me.

(What do you mean by saying this? Well, I want to say that older people are usually smarter, and so I tend to highly appreciate when they decide to spend their time with me. It’s a big thing.)


And perhaps some of your friends have a new job already.

You send a message to the previous phone number, you do not realise it was a business phone. And then this happens: the person who inherited the phone number in the company now, re-sends the message to the girl you originally wrote it to. So, after a couple of years and with no valid contact - there you are – sitting together on a nice terrace drinking lemonade. You sit there talking until they close the pub.

Once the terrace is closed, each of you goes her way.  

But you feel better. And the world seems nicer for the next few days.


From every job I have done so far, I carry several such strong connections. We're not together very often. But we do like each other. It's always great to meet. Even if it is only occasionally.


Please, do not be angry at me, for not seeing each other as often as I would like to. I think about you more often than you might think.

I'm glad I have you in my life. You are a blessing.

Thanks to you and to our occasional brief encounters, I consider the world a beautiful place.

I really wish everyone I have had on my mind when writing this post will find himself in my words.  


I do not always have good ideas:D, but this one certainly is:

If you have such person in your life, please calm him / her.

I'm sure it is a good idea.

 

Previous posts

7.10.2018:


A: “Emotions sucks, you know."

B: “Well, I don’t know. Do they?“



Taken out of the conversation. Because its stuck in my head since then. He said, "Well, I learned to manage it mostly, but sometimes I can't. Emotions sucks, you know."


There is no need to pounce on everything someone says, nor misrepresent or unnecessarily explain the context. It happened a couple of years ago. Its stuck in my head since then. Opening the topic when I can, observing. I wonder how people around me deal with emotions. It could have been 5 years already, since I’ve heard the quote in the headline. The start of very amateur and unprofessional observation – how do we perceive and talk about our emotions.


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I get a scale of answers.

Starting from: "Emotions sucks" also: "Enemy. Unpredictable. I don't have them under control. I do not know what to do with them. They betray you."

Through: "They arrive unexpectedly. Throwing you from side to side how they want. One cannot assume, expect or manage them. Explosions. I suffer. Horror. "

Or even "Sometimes I'm enjoying them, sometimes I can't control them. But I take them as part of life so It's good."

Often similar to: "i love good emotions, I don't like bad ones. I don’t know how to deal with those."

And also: "it's the inner compass. You will never be deceived. Working with them is the basis. There are no “good” and “bad” emotions, all of them have an important message for you. Only when you stop oppressing them, you let them manifest themselves and you begin to decode them. And you will even get very important information about yourself from them."


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There are many professional studies about emotions. Experts who examine them for many years. I am an absolute amateur in this topic. I promised that wise things will be written by smart people on other websites, not me on this one.

So I will only share my experience with you.

To me, it seems to be a matter of courage.



Do we have the certainty and courage for those emotions to let them be, let them arrive and do what they need to do? Are we brave enough to let it go and not have a few moments under control? Do we have the capability to fully trust the fact, that it turns out well in the end?

 

So far, it seems to me that if we have the courage to let them in, they then work for us, more than against us. That when it cleans up and we don't have the over pressure of "good" nor those "bad" ones, it then starts to work. Magically. Just offering my subjective and nonprofessional observation.


Quoted above: "i love good emotions, I don't like bad ones. I don’t know how to deal with those."


Tell me, what I should do, if I do not even know how to deal with a good one:D I have no courage.

To be more specific:

I do cry a lot in positive situations recently. Still quite new to me, as it only happens last few years. Especially from laughter and happiness. Strange, isn’t it?

I know, its because I’m getting old.

But guess what? It includes such things as a sunset. As classic and ultimate weepie.

OK, sunset by the sea clearly is very emotional.

 

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Truth be told, when on the road on my way home, I sometimes have to stop by the road and just enjoy the sunset view. Neither the sea, nor tropical weather is here, the sun just gets me. Why? Where did it came from?

Does everyone have these moments, when it comes to sunset? Or am I weird definitely?:D

Same thing at sunrise. Although for obvious reasons (sleep), those are seen much less than the sunsets. The effect is the same.  

Happy tears. And I have no courage to admit it. As if it was not appropriate. What's wrong with saying, "a beautiful sunset, it takes my breath away" and let the tears go. Even if you are not alone in the room, it should not have been a problem. But for me, it still is. It seems pretty brave. So far I am not brave enough to do so. I do not know why.

You see? This is the courage that you need even to express a good emotion. To show your happy tears.


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Sunset or sunrise with its colours its very emotional. Watching it I can hear music and colours as well:D

 

Anyway, music. It is also a huge weepie. No need to be a sentimental schmaltz. It can also happen when you attend a tour of an old hip-hop band.  I specifically talk about Chaozz. The tour was a revival after 16 years. He appeared on stage and during the "one-two-three – microphone test” I was already there with my happy tears. Because Its going on and he is singing exactly the way I imagined it would be. And that I was there. The band is there, too. Many other people are here and they (we) are all happy.  

Don’t make me start on Pohoda. That’s why I love it so much. Someone starts to sing and I look around. I see people who are in my life and I love them. Listening to the music I like. Some people pass around, all smiling, holding hands.  

And the world seems beautiful to me. Weeping. Crying. Can’t stop.


Does this also happen to you?

If you are now asking the question "what kind of drinks does she drink" the answer is the exact opposite. I have these emotions since I don't drink. Totally sober.

And the longer (in years) I am sober, the more intense it is.

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 Sometimes it surprises me even outside of the sun and music category.

Situation: They drop you off at the parking lot. You buy the entry ticket to the rice fields. You go down the stairs, which still does not indicate whether you are in the right place and whether you will see "it". You carry on down the stairs and it still doesn’t seem like “IT”. You start to satisfy yourself saying: “well, at least it was a nice walk”

And in one moment you can see “it”. The image you saw in television, on the internet, in travel guides, calendars, books. But it is real, and you are a part of it. You catch yourself raising eyebrows and loudly say "what? Are you crazy?" and here they are. Tears. You smile and the tears flow.

You enter that amazing beauty, smiling with tears, and you hear your heart beat.


No need for sunset. Do you understand this?

Rice grew in the fields and it made me cry:D


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It also includes other visual beauties – paintings, theatres. Do you cry in the theatre? Oh yes, sometimes just a few minutes after the start of the performance. Don’t ask me.

Does this happen to you as well? When? What is your weepie?

Another case is, when the plane is landing. The pilot says, "Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to ___". I always have tears.

I'm trying to hide it, but I guess no success on this one.

One sentence. Part of the formal process. But in my head I hear: Listen, you're in Bali. You're really in Malta. You are going to lay in the Greek sand. You'll see Rome, babe, Rome. It's incredible and unbelievable. For me, it really is. Always.

Every time I experience a great beauty, I cry as a fool. It took me quite a long time to accept it, and I'm still learning to do that.

Once, when I'll grow up, I'd like to know how to also enjoy it:) Have the courage to have a good cry whenever it's needed. Not to be ashamed of it.

I am a fool. I do cry a lot. Luckily – it’s more of a happy cry. This kind of fool I am. A happy one.

It 's all good.

And now, your turn. Tell me. What is it when you get emotional?




Previous posts:

16.9.2018


When did we stop attending parties hosted by friends and started going to visit each other at home instead?

 

About pickles, amazing women and what I used to say I will do when “I grow up.” Am I grown up already? How do I find out?

Are You grown up already?


When discussing this with my friends, I got the answer to this question: "When I went to bed last night, I was putting some food in the pantry first. I saw the pickles I have made a week ago. It was Friday night, 10 p.m. and I was on my way to bed. In the pantry, there were my homemade pickles. That's when I realised I am a grown up already. "
 
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Hm. I have no pickles at home. Neither did I ever made some by myself. I don’t even have a photo of them.

 

And I still make some plans saying: "when I grow up..." Sometimes I wonder if I happen to be there already. Or, should I be? A few recent situations led me to reflect the answer to this tricky question. The situations were:

 

When a male says to you for the first time in your life: "you look good, considering your age"

The “grown up” question comes to your mind immediately. It has always been somewhere in the back of your mind and in a moment like this it just pops up. It's coming to the front. You are there already, there is nothing you can do about it from now on. But you don’t feel like confirming it just because of this. You have not done all you wanted before “growing up,” so you are postponing it.

 

When your friend, a professional gynaecologist, tells you, that you should consider freezing your eggs because you already are a member of a risk group.

But you still do not know whether you are. Well, the member of risk group you probably are already, but does that make you a grown up?

 

When you find out that you are doing things that woman who you admired for being The Woman as a kid used to do.

The Woman I have admired used to:

 

Wearing the royal blue colour. As a girl, you have nothing in the royal blue colour. Simply because it is only available in men's clothing or if in female fashion - only adult pieces. At least that was the case when I was a kid. And I do not feel like seeing little girls on the streets wearing the royal blue, purple, emerald, olive, or mustard colour nowadays. These are the colours that occur (or when I was the kid they did) only in adult women's clothing. I do not know why, but it is a fact.


She had her characteristic fragrance. You know you already have this when a colleague comes to work saying "I knew you were there already. I did smell you in the elevator.“


Grown up women "had their hairdresser". Every one of them had their own and during coloring / cutting / whatever, they were discussing various topics. When I was young, I always wanted to start the sentence saying "my hairdresser says,..." There you are, finding yourself in the situations when you start your sentence using exactly these words. I smile inside and I really enjoy the moment.


Sometimes she used to swear. As a child, I was giggling at it, because one should not be saying such things;) And she did. Not very often, but when she made her point, she just said it. Quite naturally.


And she ate as much candy as she ever wanted. This is my most popular adult activity. (Trying to make joke here: Question: How many calories are in this picture? Answer: Two times Zero, Haha.)

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Other symptoms of being „grown up“:

You have spent 91 Euros for the eye cream. After one week of using, you do notice it works.

Your cheekbones are not so sharp anymore. The one part is the not so sharp as it used to be, because of your smiley wrinkle.

It just does not stretch so well anymore:D
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You are no longer being invited to friends’ home for a party, but to join them for a lunch or dinner. You simply get “visit invites” instead of “party invites.”


This is the hardest part of growing up in my case. Some people didn't even notice, but for me, its a huge deal. Please do not get me wrong here. I do love to see my friends. Food is also a good idea. It just never occurred to me to place this to someones home. The natural process for me is that when I want to meet someone and / or eat at the same time, we go out. But - the invitation is to join your friends for dinner. At their home. I am scared.

It’s not “we are going out” anymore. Its “come to visit us and join us for dinner”.

Not the “we are having a party, come join us” (as it used to be back in the old days:D), but “we would like to invite you to our home for a dinner together”. Somehow, the parties just disappeared from my life. We only do visits these days. It’s all good. I do not miss the partying and I do like my social life the way it is now. I do appreciate the invite to someone’s home, of course I do. It’s an honor. And I am more than happy to see you. But for some reason I do panic.

When did this happen? How? Out of nowhere you are being invited for a dinner to friends. You know what I mean? Don’t you? OK. Is this natural? Probably it is. I do not know. I was surprised. Stressed. And I panicked.


Imagine, people come to visit each other at home. Joining for the occasion of having a nice lunch / dinner together.

Why am I so confused with this concept? Is it because I cannot imagine I would do it? Please do not be angry if I do not invite you to lunch. I just don’t know how to do it yet.

It has been a long-time unsolved mystery in my head. Why does it seem to me so strange, why do I avoid that?  "Not yet, let's go out for a while, I still do not want to be in the world where people are visiting each other at home."

 

And then I found out. Well, probably. This is exactly the situation I remember my parents doing when I was a kid.

That is exactly what grownups do. It is a manifestation of adulthood.

I remember my parents’ friends visiting us sometimes. I liked it. We were playing while the adults talked. At 7 p.m. we came to the living room to see the regular evening fairy-tale. You could also have some snack from the table, that was nice:D

And when going to bed, I could hear their conversations from the living room. And my mum’s laugh. I liked that. My mum is awesome, and she is not the loudly laughing at everything woman. She is a smiley yet does not laugh very loud and often. And when there were visitors in the living room, I heard my mum’s laugh a few times while falling asleep that night. I remember that it was a good feeling.

 

And this is the reason why I do not like to do it myself. It is a proof that I am a grownup already.

I do the things I remember my parents used to do when they were grownups.  

You know, I don’t feel like growing up yet. “grow up” is not a question of "when" or "where," neither it is a question of "what am I doing".

Its more of a “who am I” as a grownup.

Am I already the person I desired to be “when I grow up”?  The answer is: No. Not yet. That's why I'm postponing the "grownup” confirmation.

I am not the one I wanted to be when I grow up. Not yet.

 Although external circumstances suggest that I already am, I still do not feel that way. According to outside world: age, activities, habits, people around – I should be. But not inside.

 

So I'm probably not "grownup" yet. Maybe I will never be. And that's good. Well, I believe, for me it is:)

 

What about you? Do you feel like grown up already? Do you remember the moment when you realised it?

Let me know, I'm curious:)

 

Previous posts

9.9.2018:



What do we do, when we "do nothing".

 

"Oh, weekend, finally. I will not do anything in the next two days." I am more than happy to declare this almost every Friday evening.

"You mean really nothing, or “the nothing”?"

"Excuse me?" I ask the supplementary question, trying to look neutral, but in the back of my head I'm starting to boil.

"Well, my question is, are you really going to do nothing at all, or will it be such a weekend when you say “nothing”, but you really do not even sit down for a moment?"

"What do you mean?" I am a little confused about the direction where this is all going.

"Well, usually when you say you are doing nothing on Saturday, you're up since the morning, doing all the stuff whole day until the evening. So I am just asking if this is the "nothing" you have planned for this weekend. "


I do not get this. What do I do when I say I “do nothing”?

By the way, weekend. Sometimes I do have a champagne for breakfast during the weekend. Because of the feeling. Then I realize, its alcohol-free anyway (as I do not drink alcohol, more details next time;).

Why I do not have alcohol-free champagne for breakfast every day? Why not?

I mean, we should do this. Just to have that “peace of mind champagne breakfast” feeling every day. Shouldn’t we?

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Even non-alcoholic

Champagne for breakfast makes you feel relaxed.

Because it's a weekend and You do not have to go to work. And its bubbly.

So, what was the question about, and how does the weekend look like when we do "nothing"?

Weekend:

alarm clock in the morning, exercise. Then shower, wash your hair, twice, put the hair mask on and off. It's been two hours so far. Maybe more. Face mask, nails. Manicure, pedicure. Washing machine in between. Second time. The third time. Done. Hang it on. Depilation. Breakfast should be done, lunch also. Eat. Wash up the dishes. Once you are there, clean the kitchen. You sit for a while in the living room. With coffee. But you see the dust. You must clean the floor. And hoover. The whole apartment. You get back to your coffee when it's cold already. You need to get the ironing done. Shirts. A lot of them. Unpack after a week away, pack for the next week. Maybe you have a time to go to the movies. Just to spend some time together. Or just go out to visit some local market. Water the flowers. Talk to your family. Clean the shoes. Last weekends there is also the translating posts for me. (Oh, and we do have a new logo, did you yotice?;)

IMG_2128_1ajpg

Of course I am not alone to do all of these. (When I stay alone there are even more things added to this list, as I do not usually do them – trash, ashtrays, third room... ) This list is, i would say, to do list for at least three days. Weekend only has two. Do the math.

 

There is the feeling we do nothing on weekends. Why?

And when someone asks you „What have you been doing during the weekend:“

You say: „Nothing, we have just been to the movies“

 

I can imagine that many of you have children. 24 hours long activity on the top of all these. My friends told me, that you don’t even know what the day it actually is. And that there is the emergency alert status permanently on, so that's a totally different case. I will not write about this alternative, as I do not have any experiences (and therefore ideas) how does it look like.

The point is:

1. If it is a non-alcohol champagne, maybe you can start every day with a glass. The feeling is worth it.

2. And no, it’s not "nothing" we do during the weekends. But it could be;)

IMG_5846_1ajpg

 

There is no need to write more, i do believe. Even if we feel it is "nothing," be sure - it is not. You are doing a lot. Treat yourself. No regrets.

Behind every "I have not done anything" sentence, there is usually a lot of "done" stuff hidden. And it is enough.

 

What do you do during the weekends?

Do you also have such a "nothing" where there is a millions of done activities hidden?

 

Btw, why do I even bother putting questions at the end of the blog, when there is no reply in the comments?

There are not so many answers in the comments (yet still there are some on social networks). And - some of You send me the answer in a message. And that's nice. I learn a lot about you and I respect the privacy:)

 So yes, I will probably continue asking questions at the end of the article, even if you do not see the answers.





Previous posts

26.8.2018: 




Is it harder to start, stop or to maintain 

a habit?

Does it depend on the type of person you are?

I remember reading in a magazine once, that we should choose our new years resolutions based on the type of person we are. You should make this decision based on whether you are more the type who would like to reduce some bad habits or the type that prefers to implement new behaviours into their lives.

Are you familiar with that pecan nuts maple syrup sweet pastry/cake roll? You can buy them at filling stations and also at the bakeries in supermarkets. Do you know the pastry I am talking about?

pekany_ajpg

This is it.

A huge lesson for me: that even though something contains two new/ unknown things, it can be good.

The two new things: pecan nuts and maple syrup. I would probably never have tasted pecan nuts. It happened by accident. I thought I was buying a package of walnuts, not reading the info on the packaging properly. After opening and tasting it, i started thinking: „Nice walnuts, but they taste slightly different than they use to, what is the region of the origin, I wonder?“

And then I spotted the label: "pecan nuts". This was it. No regrets. They tasted good. The point is, that if I knew they were not walnuts, I would probably have never tasted them. Even though they might have tasted good. Because of the risk that it will have been worse than what I already knew. The way forward is uncertain when the current standard is satisfactory. Why should I even consider changing my preference?

It‘s the same when it comes to a choice of meal in a restaurant. When I find some food I love, I have no reason to order anything else in that restaurant. Ever. Why should I take a risk when I know what I like?

One of my friends immediately tries everything marked as "new". Exactly for the reason that it's new. Exactly the same reason for me not to do it, is the reason for her to do so.


There are two types of people in the world.

Those who love the new things and those who do not.

It took me about ten years to try cashew nuts. I still have not tried Goji berries. In Japan, China and Korea they have been eating them for hundreds of years, but they are new to us, Europeans. To me, personally. I also know that they contain 18 types of amino acids, all of the eight essential amino acids, 21 trace elements and carotenoids, more beta carotene than carrot and also vitamins C, B1, B2, B6 and E (all info from wikipedia) Japanese, Chinese, and Korean women are the ones who grow older slowest in the world. All of these facts combined are just not strong enough as reasons for me to try Goji berries.


Because it's something new. Is it fear?

In the food area, my attitude towards new stuff is completely extreme. In other areas - not so tragic.

Well… Starting this website took a lot of time. Finding a name, creating descriptions, buying a domain name. It took a lot of time to collect every possible fact, reassure, verify, verify again, search, research, re-search, hesitate and question myself. It's all too new. Uncertainty and worries. Everywhere. I think I was able to complicate and challenge everything. I am also kind of a "preparation freak" :D. I will not start a project until it is perfectly prepared and ready. I have seen “Lorem ipsum” written so many times that I was quite surprised discovering that loremipsum.sk is still free. The domain name. Anyone interested? :D

 

We have been to the movies during the weekend. And there she was. The girl in the movie.  She wanted to sing in a club, so she asked if she could.

The business owner replied: “OK”.

The girl’s reaction was: “Really? No casting what so ever? Am I good enough for this? Could I do it? So easily? You will just give me the chance like that?”

The guy who was already a singer in that place gave her the microphone and said: “Girl, we are on the island. We do make our dreams come true just like this. And whatever we want, we simply do it. Just like that.”

You know how sometimes it is just a movie scene and sometimes it speaks directly to you?

 You are right. There is nothing I can figure out without trying it. Everything was overthought already. Just bite the cake and you will see. So I did.

 

Welcome.

The website has only basic data so far, everything else will be added as the time goes by.

I have read in some of the trillion blogger's guides online that the first article is supposed to be a "starter killer". That you have to kick it off. You should write why you have started and what your readers can expect from you and your posts. And that you only should write when you have something to say.

Well, I have already told you how picky I am when it comes to food, the goji berries nutritional value, and pecan – nuts - maple – syrup - pastry experience. Sounds good, right?

But I also usually focus on serious dilemmas, for example:

- "Where does all the hair clips, hair bands, lighters and lip balms disappear?"

- or "What is the right order for you to eat the cashew nuts from the bowl in?"

So you should expect serious topics mainly. Such as questions of existence and other fundamental topics.

 

I'm trying to get back to the point: We are getting started.

 Is there anything you have been deciding about doing for a long time (hours, days, weeks, months, years) and you have not got round to it yet? Exercising before bedtime, holding a plank for x minutes, stopping swearing, skipping every second cigarette... Then listen, I did the first step. It has not hurt so far. Come on, you can do it too. Whatever it is.

Do not overthink it. Just go on. Start with me. I will support you, just let me know what it is.

Now is the right time to share one of my favourite motivational quotes with you. Ready?

"The best way to start is - to actually start."

I will keep my fingers crossed for you.